Trading my dreams for His...

In the past weeks I was blessed to learn three things, that helped me quite a lot. I am not sure, what happened to me this spring, but somehow I fell into a state of mind, that could easily be called a depression, I was so unhappy and unsatisfied with each and every situation in my life, it was very sad... :-(!
But then I learned these three things and now I am doing better...

1. If God promises to do something, He will fulfill it -> but part of the process is waiting and trusting in Him and in what He has told me to believe, which means to fully rely on Him!
2. Times of worry and sorrow are normal, every biblical character had to go through such times, and these were the times when they actually were trained for life! In times of sorrow and struggles, God teaches us to be faithful and enduring to fight for His kingdom and believe in Him even though all circumstances seem to speak against His existance!
3. If something means really much to you, you need to be willing to give it up for the kingdom of God! I am trying to say, that I learned to pray, the way Jesus prayed in Gethsemane, He prayed; "Father please let this cup pass me by, but not my will be done but yours!"
   I had to learn to pray this way, and what can I say, that really hurt me... it hurts to let go of the things I hold so thight, but I know that it was good, and so finally not my will but His may be done!

Exciting to see, how this will change my life... God is there, He is real, and even though I might not always hear His voice or feel His presence He is still embracing me... THANK YOU!

Could someone quiet the squirrels, please?

Sometimes I feel like I do not have any chance to be me...
Last week for example, when we sat there as a group, and the squirrels were talking, talking and talking, leaving me little chance to say something without being loud...
but that wasn't the real problem - in fact, their expectations and thoughts were it - they already figured a way that I have to behave in certain situations, so if I behave differently they wonder and try everything to force me into the role they figured to work for me...
They do not force me by words or actions, just their thoughts and interactions can be enough...

Luckily it did not work out completly, God still enables me to do and be, who I really am... nevermind what others think or how they would like me to behave!

that Post was written on March the 1st, now over 3 months later... the problem is still existing :-(

Out of the ashes...

Out of the ashes comes beauty...

My seminary week is over, and I am happy to be back at home and back at work, today was actually a quite busy day!

God has been good to me, he blessed me with some interessting thoughts during the end of the week. One of these girls told me: "You need to experience this, before you can really understand what I am going through..." but honestly I really don't want to! I don't want to experience how it feels to be used by someone you can't even be sure of, if he is faithful... I don't wanna know how it is to be in a sexual relationsship without the security and blessing of God's given frame - the marriage! I don't want to call him five times a day, cause I need to make sure, that he is fine and thinking of me and only me!

So I am blessed to still be single, I am blessed to be able to concentrate on the greatest lover of all, who always is faithful, and I am blessed to be able to stay pure till the day that the "right one" comes along... who deserves that I am not used up by then!

Thank you God, You are so good to me! :-)

Lonely...

Can there be something worse than having one girl constantly talking about and with her boyfriend?
Yes! Three girls doing so... :-(
I don't know why, but somehow we choose for this seminary week the topic "Broken Personalities"... and I am most likely to feel like one of them if this continues the way it started!
It seems like everyone is trying to drive me crazy, I'm in a four bed room, and each of my three roommates has a boyfriend, which is not particularly a problem, but the fact that they are calling their boyfriends like 5 times a day writing them text messages at night and constantly talk about them, does not make it easier for me...
Seriously, I am not even jealous, cause this would be way to much for me, but strangly I feel excluded in a way I can't describe... I do not understand what they are talking about, and all three are more than 3 years younger than me!
Please pray for me, that I might survive this week without beeing broken... 'cause I do not quite understand what all this is doing to me, but I feel very lonely :-(
 On the other hand we are facing our past, we had to think about tragic moments in our lives, and I realized, that I do still struggle with the man, that kind of abused my soul this summer, it hurts to think of what he did to me, and I really cannot see any good, that could come from this...
Please bear with me this week - I know that God is hearing our prayers!
Thanks!

Living a godly life...

Monday Evening our weekly staff prayer group met again, this time we where talking about the topic of "Community" and "godly lifestyle" based on Romans 12,9-21...

Since then, I couldn't let go the thoughts, how to live, it is written in there so clearly... and when I came across Sacharja 7 last night, I realized, that God has always wanted us to live this way, so here is what theses texts say:

Romans 12:

1. Love must be sincere - which means no hiding , no pretending, no lying (of course...)
2. Hate what is evil - what does hating look like, running away from it? trying not to get any contact? We should certainly hate the things that are evil, but be careful not to condemn the people, that might do these...
3. Cling to what is good - God is good, that's what I know!
4. Be devoted to one another, honour one another above yourself - Loving every other person like my siblings, that is the point, where it becomes clear, that is nothing I could ever do out of my own...
5. Don't be lazy - ...
6. but serve the Lord devoted and through his Spirit - how often do we try to organize or do things for God, but out of our resources and not fully relying on Him?
7. Be joyful in hope - that is easy so far...
8. patient in affliction - it's getting thougher
9. faithful in prayer - actually quite logic, but why is it still so hard then?
10. Share with God's people who are in need. Practise hospitality - when was the last time you did something for someone without expecting anything back?
11. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse - now, that is hard, just think about a traffic jam... it is hard enough not to curse, but bless them? -> We cannot do this out of ourselves!
12. Be happy with the happy ones, and mourn with those, who are mourning - try to be an empathetic person, without playing a role
13. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone - very hard...

And it just goes on and on...

Sacharja 7,4-14:

1. Administer true justice
2. Show mercy and compassion
3. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor
4. In your hearts do not think evil of each other

It says the same... but can I ever fulfill all of this wise advice? - No, I can't out of my own....

But with the help of God and his Spirit, like it says in Romans 12,11 it is at least possible to try and He will show His mercy and power as the Almighty One, for whom all things are possible! 

What a smile can do...

Yesterday I was reminded again of the power of a smile, it can...

• cause happiness
• or sadness
• get people to smile back
• bring joy
• or confusion
• be misleading
• be guiding
• be encouraging
• or discouraging
• compliment you
• or even destroy you in a moment

A smile can be so much more... it can even cause someone to drop, the tickets you just handed him, cause it distracted him, or on the other side, someone might compliment you on your smile, just cause you're happy!

For me smiling is a sign, that I am pleased with my actual situation and enjoying the little or big wonders, God prepared for me this very day. I will try to please Him, with my smiles, and hope that He is enjoying them as much as I am enjoying everything He brings up for me...